conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
