people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
