I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
