Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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