You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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