i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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