Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
