if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
