is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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