If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
