Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
