tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
