I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
