I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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