after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
