I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize