singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
