just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
