Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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