dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
