Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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