Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
