So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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