I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
