I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
