The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
