New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
