Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
