giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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