Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These tits shall not be calmed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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