it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The air was thick with penises
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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