I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
