Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
