i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
