This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
