bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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