We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
