I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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