Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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