wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
