The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
