Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
