You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
