i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
