Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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