lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
