Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Less talking, more tequila
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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