im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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