What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
