I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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