come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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