Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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