Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
