I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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