I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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