I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize