Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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